Today is my birthday. As of 7:30pm, I will have been on this planet for 31 years. It’s an odd birthday though.
Usually, I love for everyone to make a big fuss. I love to be well wished or congratulated by anyone and everyone, and I really enjoy big celebrations. I like to go out for a nice dinner and be made to feel super special on the day. It’s not so much about presents as it is about marking the day. And yet this year, it all feels a bit different, and my requests for celebrations are unlike what I’ve ever wanted.
It’s not that I’m old, or “burdened” with a kid to look after already, but I don’t want to go out tonight. I don’t want to be out of the house to celebrate. I just want to chill with Dean on the couch, eat nice takeaways and watch some good TV or movies together. I want to spend as much of the evening cuddling as possible, which probably will make Dean cringe if/when he reads this – I doubt that will be his idea of an awesome evening.
But, with all that happened with the eclampsia and everything, I’ve become very aware of my own mortality. I’ve become very aware of just how close I came to never getting another night of cuddles again. Harley is still a tiny thing, and while I absolutely adore her already, it’s not like she has a personality just yet for me. It’s not like I really know who she is just yet, and she doesn’t know me yet. But with me and Dean, I can’t even imagine how devastated I’d be if anything happened to him, I just know that I never want to lose him. And I think he realized the same with me to an even greater degree after this scare.
So, this birthday, I want to celebrate being alive. Not by getting drunk or by partying with a group of awesome friends and family. This time, I want to celebrate surviving another journey around the sun with the best possible companion I could have for the ride. I want to celebrate being alive with some good food, fun entertainment, and a relaxed opportunity to spend quality time with my husband. Plus, by doing my birthday at home, it means I don’t have to put on real clothes and go outside, so that’s already an awesome birthday present right there.