Browsing Category: Marriage

How I’m #RockingMotherhood

#Rockingmotherhood

This post has been sitting in my drafts for far too long. You see, the amazing Eleanor tagged me in her #RockingMotherhood post, and I’ve been meaning to write mine. As a way to remind myself, I added the title to my drafts folder, and it’s been sitting there, waiting to be written for weeks now. What is it about bragging about the ways I’m rocking this motherhood thing that’s making me totally unable to write? Why can’t I sit and list what’s going well – it’s not that I think I’m bad at motherhood or something, but it’s just been a post that’s sat there, totally refusing to write itself in my head.

Now that school holidays are underway, I’m spending pretty much all day, every day with the kid. And while it’s wonderful in many ways, it’s also really hard to get anything done. But she’s napping now, so why not appreciate the moment. Allow me to pause, breathe and tell you all the ways that I think I’m rocking this motherhood thing. Continue Reading

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Women are the real head of the household

head of the household

I’ve been lucky enough to be able to connect with moms from across South Africa and the world. Moms from countries where women are fully equal to men and moms from countries where they are still fighting for every ounce of recognition and appreciation. While almost every woman will assert that she loves her husband, that he is helpful and she couldn’t do it all without him, most are still frustrated by a lack of appreciation for all that they do. Even worse, some partners truly don’t even see what they do. So it’s time for us all put our foot down together, to claim what is our true role – we are the head of the household.

Now, let’s be clear here for a moment. If you’re familiar with American tax law, or just traditional family dynamics, you’ll know that men/husbands are typically considered the head of the household because it refers to the person who pays 50% or more of the household’s expenses. And yes, finances are important and can’t be downplayed – we all need money to live. Without someone earning the money, we wouldn’t have shelter, food, medical attention, education… the list goes on and on. But if money simply poured into a household, it still wouldn’t necessarily be allocated to the right places and life wouldn’t magically be organized for everyone. No, that’s the role of the real head of the household, the woman. Continue Reading

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Emigration: From concept to hearing “congratulations”

emigration

I’ve written about our emigration process before. I talked about when we first started thinking about emigrating, how it was officially a goal for this year and even my ambivalence about really making the decision and feeling sad about leaving our wonderful life behind. I’ve bemoaned how long the admin was taking us and made a bit of a list of logistics I needed to put down so that they wouldn’t keep rattling around in my head. But we’ve hit a major milestone – we heard “Congratulations” at the consulate, and so I wanted to take you with me from start to finish.

Getting Dean’s Green Card has not been easy, and we still aren’t totally done. But I’m taking this milestone as an opportunity to reflect back on the process and talk about some of the big things we’ve gone through. If you’re planning to emigrate in general, or get a Green Card in particular, let me tell you that it is not easy, not for the faint of heart, but hopefully totally worth it. I did a Facebook Live about this as well, if you’re keen to watch me talk about this through Facebook or YouTube. Continue Reading

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Thoughts on the night before Christmas 2016

holding-hands-walking-together

I’ve been wanting to write some words all day. I haven’t been writing much the last few days, enjoying my time on leave instead. I’ve been playing Stardew Valley, Watch Dogs 2 and finishing up some odds and ends of Final Fantasy XV, as well as watching The Crown on Netflix. I’ve also been playing with my kid, running errands and finally sorting out her American citizenship (which I promise I will write about soon). It’s been a lovely time away from work, time in my own head, and time with two of the people who mean the most to me in the whole world. I’ve been thinking a lot though as we head into this holiday, about where we are and where we are going. I recently wrote a post about what I’m thankful for, so that’s not exactly what I want to do here, but I’ve been struggling to put my thoughts into a discernible order. So, instead of putting them into order, here they are in all their chaotic beauty.

My heart is heavy when I think about the world at the moment. Whether you believe the story of the nativity is truth, or a parable, it feels rather important at the moment. Mary and Joseph were fleeing persecution, and no one would let them in. Finally, a kind person let them into their barn, where Mary ended up giving birth. It’s a story that is meant to remind us that even in our darkest moments, light can come into the world. That even the most poor and desperate people can bring something beyond value into this world. It’s a reminder during the dark days of the Winter Solstice (which feels odd when we celebrate down here in South Africa seeing as it’s summer) that light and warmth and goodness can return to the world. Continue Reading

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Motherhood has made me jealous, of time

jealous of time

Last night, Harley wouldn’t go to sleep. I blame myself – I broke her usual routine. We normally use bath time as a natural sedative. I take her for a bath, read her a book, give her boob and put her to bed, and it works like a charm. But I was an idiot last night. I was playing a fantastic game for review, and I just wanted to keep playing/working. Harley was happily playing on the floor with her toys, so I figured she’d play and tire herself out and still go to bed around her normal time. Well, at 10:30 when I was doing anything and everything to try and calm her down and get her to sleep, I realized I was an idiot. But in that exhausted haze, I experienced another feeling and it wasn’t pretty. I was jealous.

You see, while I was playing my game, I was also watching Harley play in the lounge while my husband chilled in the study, watching videos and playing games. It’s not to say he doesn’t help out – he kept an eye on Harley while I did dishes and started dinner, then swapped with me to finish dinner while I hung out with her. He is always fine to spend time with her so that I can take a shower or pop out to the store. But you see, the default is that I’m in charge of her. The default is that I will watch her while I’m watching TV or playing games or working or whatever else. If I ask him to watch her, he does and he’s great with her… until she crawls into the room I’m in saying “mamamamamamama”. Continue Reading

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