It is weird keeping something as big as a new human being a secret. It takes up so much space in the imagination – from when I went off the pill and we were officially “trying” until it happened and then even after that when we were waiting for the doctor to give us a thumbs up. It was a massive secret for such a tiny being, and it was strange to decide which people should be in on the secret vs those who should wait until the big reveal.
Who do you tell, and how, and when? We told very few people that I was going off the pill. Of course I had the “pleasure” of thinking I was knocked up while traveling overseas. I waited for Dean to make it to America and then I peed on a stick and realized that yes, yes it was real. So, who do we tell then and who do we tell after I’m back home and have gone to see the doctor to know it’s really real? And then how long do we wait for the official announcement.
I always remembered women would wait until 12 weeks because the first trimester is rife with early miscarriages. I’ve even known women who announced and then had to un-announce after miscarriages. It’s more common than anyone would want, and I didn’t want to be in that situation. Additionally, thanks to fears about any possible birth defects or issues, we didn’t want to tell people in case the pregnancy had to be aborted – nothing like being in that situation and then having to be public about it because you’ve already gone public with the good news.
So, we waited for what felt like forever. And now the cat is out of the bag and it’s weird to see I keep telling people. My cleaning lady, the bartender in our usual watering hole, random ladies when I’m waiting in queues. It’s so strange though – it went from feeling like part of a secret circle to now sharing it with the whole world.
Similarly strange is the fact that I can no longer be offended when people ask when I’m due. It was also my terror; as a curvy woman, I was blessed with awesome boobs and butt, but that also meant that my stomach sometimes protruded, making people think I was already pregnant. This led to numerous tearful encounters, but now I’m showing because I really am pregnant – I’m not really allowed to be offended, although I do still think it’s a ridiculous question that no one should ask regardless of their breeding status.
So now that I’m telling everyone, it’s feeling even more real, and I’m finally realizing the range of emotions that I’m feeling. I know a lot of it is hormones, but geez, I seem to oscillate between excitement and terror on an hourly basis. I suppose that’s normal. Also, who knew how many strangers felt entitled to give you advice or pass judgement until you get pregnant – I didn’t realize that the whole world thought they knew everything better than me…