Dreams for a bun in the oven

night kitchen

Even while being worried last night about what the future might hold, I had a brief glimmer where I imagined holding that little baby in my arms. It was exactly what I needed and a beautiful moment to pause and realize that in a few short months, the life I’m growing inside me will be out in the world. And in that same moment, it made me think about when he or she is out in the world at large. The little life that isn’t even fully formed yet, growing inside me, will one day go out and talk to people, make friends, fall in love and maybe travel the world.

I have all these things I want to do with the little rugrat while he or she is growing up. I want to read all my favorite stories with him or her, as well as teach mythologies of all kinds. I’d love for the kid to be fluent not just in Greek or Norse mythology, but also in Lovecraftian mythos and Star Wars lore. It’s the combination of all those ways of explaining the universe that help us create our own mythology; our own way of interpreting the world and how we want to behave.

There are so many movies and games, so much to show this tiny creature. I can’t wait to watch Doctor Who together, or read Lord of the Rings. I want to play with those cool kits they make to teach kids coding so that maybe I can learn too (although I probably just ask Dean to play those games instead); it’s a beautiful thing to dream of what could be and the things we could do.

And then I think about all my friends who wanted to do different things to what their parents dreamed for them, and how hard it was for them. Little girls who grew up to say that they wanted to wear pants and maybe become a stage manager, little boys who fell in love with other boys and wanted to make music.

I am trying not to impose any strict rules on these dreams I’m enjoying for my kid. It’s nice to imagine a future, and is making the fear aspect fade into the distance, but I’m also aware of the dangers of this. I want my kid to grow up to do and be anything and everything he or she wants. I want him or her to have the confidence to try new things, and then decide that they didn’t like that and not to do it again. I don’t want my tastes to determine his or her’s, but rather for it to be a natural process of discovery.

Of course, that’s all under the assumption that some of my things will be liked, right? I mean, I called this blog Born Geek because I can’t wait to teach the kid all things gaming and geek and have fun with all those things that make me so happy. But what if I have a child who hates all of that? Who wants to read the Bronte sisters and wear pink and play in the garden? What if my little rugrat decides to follow a totally different path, one of conforming to typical societal norms? I like to think that I’m open minded in my dreams for the little munchkin, but I know how sad I’d be if he or she doesn’t like those books, movies or games that I do. I suppose I will just have to wait and see and adjust the dreams accordingly.

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