It’s all about timing

timing

I’m feeling like I’m in a bit of flux at the moment. I’m not even sure flux is the right word. I guess I just don’t know whether I’m coming or going, and how things are proceeding, and how to plan my life. I know, I know, planning is pretty useless because things will always come up that I can’t plan for and will just have to deal with and whatnot. I know that all too well. But I also like to have an idea of a sequence of events, how I will strive to get from A to Z, and I’m feeling a little stuck at the moment due to too many things being up in the air.The “Z” at the moment is a couple things – I’d like for me and Dean to get to the States, for us to find gainful employment there, and for us to have a second child.

I’ve been thinking a lot about the timing of children and all that, and I really want Harley to be my baby for a long while. But I also know that I’m continuously getting older, and that I also sort of like the idea of sequencing when it comes to kids – by spawning relatively close together, mothers spend less time out of the work force, and also don’t have to deal with a decade of nappies/breastfeeding/horrible sleep. But the actual timing of it in our lives is getting me a bit crazy.

You see, I still don’t have things sorted with Harley’s birth certificate. After my post about it, the lovely lady who does social media for Home Affairs got in touch with me and has connected me with someone who will hopefully be more helpful. Unfortunately, a month later and there’s still no movement. I get it, it’s my fault – they won’t register Harley because my status wasn’t sorted when she was born. So I need to get legalized before they will issue her with a birth certificate. I’ve sent in a letter to hopefully get the ball rolling, but it seems there is no rolling at the moment. Until she has a birth certificate, I can’t get her American citizenship sorted, nor can I organize her a passport. Kind of puts a damper on moving overseas.

But let’s imagine that actually gets resolved before the end of the year. Even if she got her birth certificate in the next couple months, and I applied for her passport and American stuff and Dean’s Green Card and all the other admin, there’re still the, um, “details” of where we are going to live and work. I’d like to stay at my current job if they could actually pay me a salary that would make living in the States vaguely possible, but I’m not too optimistic about that. Instead, I’ll probably have to get a job over there. I’d want the job lined up before we picked up and moved, before we sold our place and packed our things and moved over to America. That means trying to find a job from SA – not the easiest task at the best of times.

And then there’s my biological clock. When do we pop out a second baby? Should I wait until we move to the States? That would mean that I’d have to find a new job, work there for at least six months and only then consider getting pregnant. Even in a best case scenario, that means I wouldn’t have another baby for… two years? And what about the job I get – I would need to find a company with a nice maternity leave policy. I would be devastated at the thought of leaving my baby early on, even if I find an amazing nanny wherever we live. Plus I can’t really consider having a second kid while we’re still here – I know they say that babies don’t take up much space, but that’s an obvious lie. Harley might be small, but she has a lot of stuff already and it just continues to accumulate. Where would a second one even sleep, let alone have room for clothes, toys and all the other stuff that seems to multiply overnight.

I’m trying not to get myself crazy, but there are some decisions that feel like I need to plan with some timeline in mind. Do we buy new appliances? Do we buy a new (used) vehicle? Do we renew cell phone contracts or just let them go month to month until we move? How can I make these kinds of decisions when I don’t even know how long it will be until my baby becomes legal? How can I decide what to do when I don’t even know where I’m going, or when?

So yeah, I’m feeling in flux. I suppose the best thing I can do is just continue to do what I do and hope for the best. Things will fall into place when they’re supposed to. But in the meantime, I’m having a hard time not thinking, stressing or at least considering all the various aspects of this situation. Please let me know how you’ve done this, or would do this. How do you time making humans, changing jobs, moving countries and still living some semblance of a normal life?

 

DID YOU LIKE THIS POST?

If you like these words, please check out more of what I say on twitter and Facebook, and pics I take on Instagram and subscribe to my YouTube channel. Also, please be sure to sign up to my carefully curated, crafted and infrequent newsletter.

  • Claire Henderson

    I really enjoyed reading this. I am feeling exactly the same at the moment and it’s nice to know I am not the only one! Personally, I don’t think life will ever be ‘normal’, it’s just about finding some kind of balance that works for you. I have been very anxious about what is going on in my life at the moment, so much so that I had to visit the doctor, and now I am working my way to trying to figure out my own direction with a lot of help!

    • Zoe Hawkins

      So helpful to know we’re not alone. I know it’s a matter of marching through the steps to where I want to be – just feels so overwhelming when seemingly small decisions come up and there’s no clear answer or solution. *hugs* Hope your stuff works out soon!