Mourning after the death of 49 babies

vigil

I’ve been trying to avoid thinking too much about the events in Orlando. Here in South Africa, I could be a world away, and yet it’s feeling deeply personal this time. I feel it on so many levels, and I wasn’t sure why this mass shooting felt so much harder than previous ones. But then I saw a post that made me realize why.

My Facebook is filled with outrage, support, memorials and other posts. But this one nearly brought me to tears this morning. In the early hours of the morning, the young man texted his mom to say he loved her. He was hurt, hiding in the bathroom and ultimately gunned down. And I’m sitting here with tears in my eyes, holding my little princess Harley, feeling like I can barely breathe.

I love my little person so very much. It’s devastating to imagine anything ever happening to her. I want to keep her safe, loved, protected for her whole life. My job doesn’t end when she grows up, when she’s old enough to go clubbing one day – I will always be base for her. At least, that’s my hope. I hope that for her whole life she knows that I love her, that I will support her, comfort her. Even when she doesn’t really fit on my lap anymore. Even when I am no longer her source of sustenance. She is my baby, and she will always be my baby, even when she’s an adult.

And in Orlando, 49 babies were killed. It just breaks my heart.

It could have been me. It could have been any of us. These mass shootings make no sense, and truly the only way to stop them is to stop the gun culture in America. Every country in the world has hate and random violence, but only Americans make it this easy for people filled with hate and rage to take the lives of others. I wish we could take away the hate and the rage, but barring that, the least we could do is make it a whole lot harder for people to get guns.

And if Dean and I move to America, how will I protect my baby? Sure, people can be killed any day in any way, but these mass shootings just feel so horrific. The world feels so very scary at the moment, and having a tiny person to look after makes me so much more aware of it.

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  • konfab

    You are much more likely to be killed and raped in South Africa than in the US. So moving there would be a safer bet.

    • Her Highness the Hipster

      yeah, the reality is that horrible things can happen anywhere, anytime. it’s just so awful when these kinds of things happen. ๐Ÿ™

  • It’s the mommy that gets to me. My son calls me mommy.

    • Her Highness the Hipster

      yesss! exactly ๐Ÿ™

  • Naxie

    yes – harley will always be your baby, just like you will always be mine. the feeling of protectiveness never goes away. we hold our breath and our first wish is always for our kid to be safe, healthy and happy. we might not agree about the gun thingy but we sure as hell agree about the unimaginable heartbreak of having a child’s life (a child of any age) ended in a terrorist attack.

    • Her Highness the Hipster

      yup, always. and there are so many more nuanced solutions, if only we can all come together and agree that SOMETHING needs to be done. just so sad for those poor families and loved ones.

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