I made a conscious decision not to think about my weight for the first year of Harley’s life. I figured it would take that long for things to even out with her, and until then it was silly to imagine that I could stick to any eating or exercise plans. I was lucky enough to already lose 5 kgs six weeks after giving birth, but I think my little one is determined to make me slim.
I don’t generally care about the number on the scale; I don’t even know how much I weigh at the moment. Instead, I focus on how clothes fit and how comfy I feel in my own skin. I’m also determined not to let my body image determine my self image – I need to be empowered, and right now I feel good about my body; look what it accomplished. And I’m not even feeling the need to fake some positive body image at the moment. I feel pretty good about how I look, even post-baby. Plus, Harley has me on a three-pronged weight loss plan.
First up is the breastfeeding. Making food from my body means I’m using a whole bunch of calories to feed my little one. I know not all nursing mothers lose weight, but I’m one of the lucky ones in that regard. It’s probably the diet and exercise regimen that’s doing more for me, though.
No, I’m not on a diet. Not at all. However, I have been struggling to eat. I’m not having issues or something, rather the fact that I’m holding a baby for much of the day means that my hands are too full to shovel food into my face. Any opportunity I get to eat is taken, and I’m loving pizza, donuts and other high calorie foods, but those opportunities don’t seem to occur often enough for me to manage to consume a surplus of calories a day. I eat a lot of fruit, biltong and sandwiches – basically anything that isn’t temperature dependent and can be consumed one-handed. Still, I think her food deprivation techniques thus far are more successful than my creative ways to get food into my mouth.
I’m also not exercising intentionally. My plan for when it was time to get back into shape was to jump back on board with weight lifting and following my Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred. But I don’t have time for that at the moment, plus I’m using every ounce of energy that I have taking care of the tiny one. And she certainly is demanding. Harley is happiest when I’m carrying her around, dancing to music or walking with a bounce in my step. She is soothed by movement, which means that I’m walking and dancing like I did at University, just all in the comfort of my own home. And all that movement is burning off the food that I do manage to eat.
So no, I’m not starving myself and I’m not focusing on losing weight, but somehow this baby of mine seems to have a weight loss plan in mind for me anyway. We shall see if when she starts being more easily soothed and requires less pacing in order to sleep if the program still works. For now, she’s finally asleep so excuse me while I go organize some lunch for myself.