Being back at work has forced me into a balancing act. I want to do my best at my job, while also taking care of my tiny person. Harley isn’t a particularly difficult baby. Yes, she cries at times, but once I hold her, feed her and make sure she’s clean, she’s generally quite happy. But that doesn’t make balancing both activities easy, and I realized a big part of my guilt lies in feeling like I’m not doing enough with Harley.
I have these images in my head of orphanages when communism fell in the USSR. You know, the rows of cribs and babies crying for hours without any attention. These poor neglected babies who weren’t raised with love, who didn’t get the necessary stimulation, who were condemned at an early age to a life without opportunities every child should get. Now, obviously Harley’s experience is nothing like that, but it doesn’t get the mental image out of my head. I’m not neglecting my baby, but I am focusing on other things from time to time. But how bad is that? How much attention does a baby need?