I can handle anything for a set period of time. At least, that’s what I like to tell myself. Certain situations or activities might be unpleasant, but as long as I have a clear start and end point, I can usually psyche myself up to be able to get through it all. But pregnancy and its child-filled aftermath is a bit different.
I don’t worry about missing out on most things. I’ve lived such a full life already, it’s not like I’m worried about missing the next great concert, or a night out partying – I’ve had enough drunken adventures not to feel sad about not drinking for a next few months. Well, mostly – it is still hard going out for drinks and not being able to have a glass of wine or a gin and tonic. I don’t need to get drunk or even tipsy, but it’d be nice to have my usual drinks of choice.
At the moment, there’s something even bigger that I’ve realized I’m missing out on, and it won’t end once the little munchkin is born. This week, two of my colleagues are in Germany for Gamescom, one of the largest and most fun gaming conventions in the world. Last year, I was there. I’m already lucky that I was able to attend E3 this year (despite doing so while 8 weeks pregnant) – it’s like gaming Mecca and I’m so lucky to even go to one such event in a year, let alone two like I did last year. In fact, last year I was able to travel overseas four times for work. It was fantastic and exhilarating and I loved the joy of being flown around the world to play games.
I was away this year for seven weeks, right at the start of my pregnancy. It was far too long a trip, but it had to be done – I was looking after my mom following major surgery, and also managed to attend a Pre-E3 event as well as the full week of E3. It seems that this will be my last solo trip anywhere for a long time. I won’t be traveling internationally while pregnant, and then I will have a baby on my boob and won’t really be able to go out for more than an evening on my own.
And thus, it hit me. International travel is out. Hell, even a lunch out alone with friends or a date night is going to take a ton of planning. I’m sure it will be worthwhile; I’m not having a kid so that I can avoid being with him/her all the time. But it just struck me that for the next… two years let’s say, I will be chained to the house. I will be happy there, maybe, and enjoy my time with the kid, and maybe even travel with the baby to someplace local, but I won’t be galavanting off to the States or Europe for a few days or a week.
It’s not missing out. Not really. I’ll be having a whole bunch of other experiences that I couldn’t have had otherwise. And I’m sure when I’m eventually able to go overseas alone again, I will be so sad to miss out on bedtimes and day to day loveliness with my little one. Still, it’s going to take a lot of getting used to. No more quick and casual decisions to meet up for lunches. No more last minute decisions to go out for dinner with the hubster. And no more jumping at the chance to fly off to an unknown location to play a top secret game. Here’s to E3/Gamescom 2017, right?