Tag Archives: Imposter syndrome

I need to get over my need for praise

need for praise

I like to think that I’m a fairly confident person. I know my strengths, I know what I want, I know who I am, and if people like me great, but if they don’t, I’m not horribly fazed. I like to think that, anyway. The reality is a bit more nuanced. You see, I love positive reinforcement. I love compliments (doesn’t everyone) and being noticed and praised. I’m like a damn puppy in that sense. I want to be told “good job” and patted on the head or something, but without it being condescending. And I need to get over this need for praise.

It’s not that I even mind trolling or hate. I work in an industry where trolls and haters are so common, I almost feed on them in a sense. If someone is trying to bring you down, it must mean you’re doing something to get them jealous, you’re doing something that makes them think you’re above them. So it’s not about haters or negativity. No, it’s that I have to know that I did a good job at something, especially if I care. Continue Reading

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On raising a girl strong enough to be called a dumb woman

cyber bullying

It was a bit of a difficult weekend for me. I had fun and it wasn’t something on my mind the whole time, but there was some drama at work. The joy of my work being on the internet is that the whole world can see it. Over on lazygamer.net, I wrote a review of NBA 2K16. It’s a really great game when you get to experience the cool basketball action, but it’s also primarily locked behind online servers, so if the severs are down, the gameplay experience is seriously less than optimal. I wrote about the good and the bad in my review, the way I have for countless games, but the response I got was filled with quite a lot of vitriol. I’m used to this, and have come to expect it, but it affected me in a new way this time.

I often joke with the guys at work about being the only woman, about how my opinions are automatically seen as less valid because I have a vagina. The reality is that when people agree with me, they generally don’t even notice my gender. When they disagree, the easiest thing to do is blame the fact that I’m just an idiot woman who shouldn’t be writing game reviews. We laugh at the comments like that, and often joke about feeding off the hate. But now I’m bringing a little girl into the world, and even if she is the smartest person alive, she will be criticized for what she thinks because she’s a woman. Continue Reading

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