Tag Archives: Working mom

Women are the real head of the household

head of the household

I’ve been lucky enough to be able to connect with moms from across South Africa and the world. Moms from countries where women are fully equal to men and moms from countries where they are still fighting for every ounce of recognition and appreciation. While almost every woman will assert that she loves her husband, that he is helpful and she couldn’t do it all without him, most are still frustrated by a lack of appreciation for all that they do. Even worse, some partners truly don’t even see what they do. So it’s time for us all put our foot down together, to claim what is our true role – we are the head of the household.

Now, let’s be clear here for a moment. If you’re familiar with American tax law, or just traditional family dynamics, you’ll know that men/husbands are typically considered the head of the household because it refers to the person who pays 50% or more of the household’s expenses. And yes, finances are important and can’t be downplayed – we all need money to live. Without someone earning the money, we wouldn’t have shelter, food, medical attention, education… the list goes on and on. But if money simply poured into a household, it still wouldn’t necessarily be allocated to the right places and life wouldn’t magically be organized for everyone. No, that’s the role of the real head of the household, the woman. Continue Reading

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#AcerForGaming made me a role model

role model

Role models are strange things. I’ve written about them in other contexts, like looking at Aloy or Lara Croft as gaming-based role models for Harley as she grows up. But it’s not just impressionable young people who need role models, although of course, they do. Adults continue to need others that they can admire in some ways, and it’s a strange thing to put myself in that category. It makes me a bit self-conscious, and a bit awkward, but I also feel proud enough about it that I have to share.

Way back when, I promised that I wouldn’t apologize for being a working mom. My thought was that it is who I am, and I was going to bring Harley along with me to meetings or whatever needed doing, and carry on living my life as a working woman. While I have done that with great success, it hasn’t always been easy. I was particularly worried about the #AcerForGaming event – I was going to be working all evening, helping to get other ladies playing on consoles and PCs. How could I do that if Harley was difficult or tired or whatever else. I was really torn about it, but decided I had to take her – I couldn’t present myself as a working mom gamer without my kid – and I’m SO glad that I brought her. Continue Reading

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Advice when starting nursery school

waldorf nursery school

Having Harley in nursery school has changed my life. For a few (surprisingly short) hours of the day, I have time to do the things I need to get done. Mostly, that’s work. But sometimes it can include a quick waxing appointment, some yoga, or writing some words here. She just goes for the mornings, and those mornings go by ridiculously quickly. But they still make a huge difference, and I’m so incredibly grateful for them. Nursery school is fantastic, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy.

When Harley started, she would cry. Like, a lot. Not just at drop off… she would scream and cry throughout the day. I was really wondering if it was just too traumatic for her, if I was making a horrible mistake. Every morning when I would drop her off and she would wail, I felt like the worst possible mother – not just because I would leave her while she was upset, but because I so desperately needed that time apart. I was filled with so much guilt, feeling like the worst mom on the planet. Now, things are way easier, so here are some things to keep in mind (and do) to make starting nursery school as easy as possible. Continue Reading

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Carving out time

having no time means i'm a headless chicken

I hate when you ask someone how they are and they respond with “busy”. Which is why it grates me that I’ve sorta become one of those people. It’s not on purpose, I swear. I don’t mean it to minimize how busy other people might be, or to somehow glorify the idea that I’m so busy. It’s more an issue of time, and my severe lack of it. Time is such a precious resource, and I’m increasingly aware of how little of it I have each day. Between work, playing taxi service for the husband and kid, and then trying to still get done all the day to day life stuff (dishes, cooking dinner, etc) that needs doing, I feel like I really don’t have any time.

That said, I’ve continued with my daily yoga, going into my third month of it now. I really love the videos from Yoga with Adriene on YouTube, and she often talks about how hard it can be to just get on the mat, turn on the video, carving out time for yourself in the day. And yet, once I’m there, I love it, and I relax and focus and remember that I can always pick up my to-do list again when the video is over. So, in that same spirit, I’m trying to carve some time out of my day for something I’ve been struggling to find time for lately – blogging. I really wanted to connect with people more this year – it’s even one of my main goals for the year – but I feel like I’ve been dropping the ball when it came to blogging, so this is me, carving out the time in the day to write some words about what’s been going on, and making a commitment to continue to do so more often. Continue Reading

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Something’s gotta give, or risk burning out

burning out

I feel like every other article I read is about moms burning out, about how overworked we are, about how depleted we are. There was this excellent one about post-partum depletion and the bounce back myth that says we need to stop expecting women (and ourselves) to get back to “normal” after having a baby. Another great read was this one about a working mom who finally put herself first, opting to get sleep and exercise and slow down a bit instead of working insane hours and then giving the rest of her life force to her family. Considering how much I’m seeing these articles shared on social media, I figure I’m not alone in feeling this way.

It’s not meant as a complaint, or a rant, or some sort of feminist tirade, but I do feel that we put unrealistic expectations on women. I know I put unrealistic expectations on myself. I still fully expect myself to be able to work like I did before I had a kid, to perform well at my job. I also want to be a stellar mom, spending quality time with my kid to help her grow and develop and learn. (Oh, and apparently the intensive motherhood that I want is great for baby but leads to higher rates of unhappiness amongst moms.) I still want to be a loving and helpful wife, make coffee in the mornings and dinner at night and be keen for alone time when Harley is asleep. Oh, and I also want to get back into shape, exercise and eat right. Plus, I know I need time to read books, watch series and play games. But there aren’t enough hours in the day, are there? Continue Reading

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